The wheel of not waiting

So flash videos are everywhere now. Generally as they load they show some spinning wheel type graphic. The problem is as an end user, I have no visual differentiation between a video that is loading slowly and a video sitting there waiting for TCP from an overloaded server that is simply never going to work, and certainly not in a timeframe smaller than my attention budget. Show me whether or not you are getting any data, and I might be willing to wait, but if you have me watching your spinner until your TCP connection times out, you are just frustrating me.